You love him BUT . . .
- You fight about which Netflix show to watch.
- His farting is making you sick.
- That IKEA couch he wants to buy is sooo ugly!
You love her BUT . . .
- You just don’t want to see your-in laws again this weekend . . .
- Does she really need to buy more idiotic things?
- You don’t want to go to the gym with her.
But didn’t she agree that she’d get a real job?
And didn’t he say you could pick out the couch?
WELL, IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE THOUGHT OF HAVING ANOTHER STUPID FIGHT ABOUT ONE MORE STUPID THING, IT’S TIME TO HAVE AN AGREEMENT . . . IN WRITING!
I LOVE YOU, SIGN HERE is a super-handy, practical collection of 64 CONTRACTS FOR COUPLES to address every scenario you and your partner might face, including issues with in-laws, money, sex, exes, home décor, marriage, pets, friends, health, grooming, music, style, spending, gas, and even the temperature of the room you are in!
—The Spending Freeze Contract
—The Goin’ Dutch Contract
—The Home Décor Contract
—The Wardrobe and Style Contract
—The Basic Sex Frequency Contract
—The Freak-ay Sex Contract
Entertainment and Outings
—The Go Out and Do Fun Shit Contract
—The “It’s called an off button” Contract
—The Ikea Køntråkt
Family and In-Laws
—The But We Just Saw Them Contract
—The Whose Parents Are We Visiting this Holiday Contract
Food and Dining
—The Takeout Ban
—The Let’s Make Believe It’s 1957 and Sit at the Table Contract
Chores and Other ‘Round the House BS
—The You’re Becoming a Shut-in Freak Contract
—The I’m Not Your Mother Contract
—The Try to Maintain your Hotness Contract
—The Gas Control Contract
—The Stop Being So Relaxed about Your Stupid Career / Get a Real Job / You’re Not Going to Make It as an Artist Contract
—The You’re Talking About Your Work Nemesis but I’m Just Hearing a Dull Buzzing Sound Contract
Health and Wellness
—The Food Restrictions Contract
—The One, Two, Three, Four . . . Go Work Out by Yourself Contract
Pets, Friends, Kids, Exes
—The No Exes Contract
—The Would Breeding Now Be Appropriate? Contract
THE KEYS TO A HAPPY COUPLE?
I LOVE YOU,
Roy Pierson is a comedian, playwright, “wantrapreneur” and every Seinfeld character rolled into one. He has had his works performed and published and has several groundbreaking inventions in the works, or so he claims. Sarah Pierson has worked as a designer in book publishing for over ten years. Her work includes losing and mishandling artwork, art contracts, and invoices. They live in Arizona with their son R.J., their cats Desi and Molly, and upwards of fourteen white noise machines (two functional).